There are unseen effects of being a doctor that ripple through one’s entire family. The family adapts to our routines and our life. My husband and I are both doctors and believe me, it’s not easy.
The Sacrifices Begin Early
We stay away from your family for what feels like a lifetime — first to study, then to work, and save patients. During residency, we had no defined work hours, starting work as soon as we woke up and working till, we felt faint. Residents are often overworked and overwhelmed, but that’s when we learn the most, make memories, build lifelong friendships, and test the limits of our stamina.
After completing my MBBS and MD in Medicine from KGMU, Lucknow, I wanted to pursue further studies in Nephrology. My husband and I were both well settled in Lucknow for over nine years, so when I got selected for the Nephrology course in Delhi, it was devastating to leave the city. Lucknow felt like my mother’s home – so many cherishing moments, both our degrees, our careers were blessings of this city. But my husband supported me, left his dream job to be with me in Delhi.
Motherhood Amidst Medical Training
During my super-specialty course, I became pregnant. Despite all possible measures, I couldn’t manage to keep my baby with me. I had to leave my four-month-old son with his grandparents for nearly a year. That’s the level of sacrifice a mother in medicine sometimes has to make. However, once we were reunited, life has been most amazing since then.
Mom-Time: Sacred and Shared
My son’s favorite toys have always been a stethoscope and syringes. While he dreams of being everything from the President to an astronaut, depending on what he reads, most days he says he wants to be a doctor — that’s what he writes in his textbook. Growing up with two doctors, he knew words like saturation, dialysis, sodium and potassium long before he learned his school subjects like Math or English.
When I leave for work, he waves and says, “Come back soon,” but it never makes him cry. “Mom-time” begins when I return home after meals, and includes homework, play, all day long chit-chats, and infinite questions about all the possible things that are going on around the world. When erratic calls come during this time, he allows me to answer, saying, “They might be sick.” That’s his way of showing devotion towards healthcare. But no one else is allowed to talk to me during mom time. If I laugh during that chat, he raises his eyebrows and says, “I don’t think that’s a patient, seems like a friend.”
A Child’s Innocent Wisdom
During his study time, if I encounter an emergency and have to attend to that patient in person, he suggests with innocent eyes, “You can write the medicine on the phone and ask your staff to look after the patient.” If I insist on going, he says, “Is the patient very serious and needs you more than I do?” He cooperates by saying, “Okay, you may go. Give me some homework; I’ll finish by the time you come back.” Sometimes he reminds me, “Don’t forget to take my scale if you’re going to put a line (central line / jugular catheter). Just make sure it’s straight.”
I’ve seen him with an imaginary phone to his ear, mimicking me: “What’s the saturation? Put her on oxygen. What about BP? Okay, BP is low. And sodium, potassium? Give the correction. Do the dialysis. Keep her in the ICU. Keep me informed.”
One day, when he was constantly coughing, I gave him medicine. He looked doubtful and said, “I think you should take me to a doctor.” I replied, “Well, I am a doctor.” He said, “Yeah, but cough comes from the lungs, and you’re a kidney doctor. Your medicine isn’t working.” I was amazed — who was teaching my 7-year-old all this?
Joy, Support, and Love at Home
Sometimes, he asks me to take a day off from the hospital and let him take a day off from school so that we can have fun all day long. On days when I put him to bed but have to leave, he whispers, “Don’t leave me alone, Mom.” That’s when his father winks and says, “Let her go. Don’t tell her we’re going to dance with Alexa (the device) and have a party.” When I am worried and stressed at work, their dance video takes all my stress away in a glimpse.
The Noble Calling of a Doctor
A woman can achieve anything with her family standing right beside her. So please, let your daughters fly high like butterflies. Give them wings — and hope — when needed.
Being a doctor is a blessing. I personally am so satisfied with my job. For our patients and their families, we are often the only hope during their darkest hours. We make them smile after they are flooded with tears. We give them the most amazing gifts of their life (babies) — and life (bring them back to life). We shine like sunlight — bright and strong. But people should understand that we are not gods. One day, we too will leave this world. On that day, we won’t be able to save ourselves either.
So, don’t be violent towards doctors.
